My Project!

Question

"I am a 33 year old divorced single mom of two. Therefore I am playing with three hearts in the dating world. I have gone on many first dates and talked to several men only to find out very quickly they were not worth any more time. I started dating this man about a month and a half ago. He has been divorced for about 1 year and a half with 2 kids, and has also dated. From our first date things started off very heavy. He told me a lot of serious things such as he doesn’t want to see anyone else, he believes in love at first sight now and he thinks he loves me. The whole first week we were together, things were very intense. We texted many times throughout the day, talked, saw each other several times. He did go through one period where he disappeared for a day. We had no contact or any response to my texts or calls. His explanation was that he is just not a phone person (which he told me), and that he was fine with the way things are going. He is now going through another phase where I don’t get a response when I text or call. I make a very conscious effort not to call or text incestuously and try not make him feel smothered. When we are together, things seem fine. He still refers to future events, and getting kids involved. My question is should I worry about the times that he disappears and doesn’t respond for a day?"




answer:

Where to begin? Having been a single dating mother for a few years of my life I can understand the apprehension associated with playing with more than your own heart in the dating world. It is good to have the ability to discern the value of a relationship quickly and before little hearts are involved. It would seem you have, at least before this particular relationship, practiced restraint. What I am wondering now is why is your "gomer hazard alarm" not sounding???

It seems a lovely, romantic notion to imagine that this man is so incredibly in to you that he can tell you he loves you within a week of knowing you and that he doesn't want to see anyone else and feels "intensely" during the first week. There is something wrong with this picture though. The smell of desperation should be evident in his eagerness. The alarms and whistles and houses dropping that have, in previous first date epiphany, encouraged you to see a relationship was "not going to be worth your time" should have begun with this one as well. Ask yourself, if love is something you can earn in a week? To really love someone you must know their true self. Is that something possible in a cursory dating situation? Lust, now lust is definitely on that time line, but love?

Secondly, if you see smoke, there may not be a fire but, it's smoldering and you are going to get burned if you stand over it when it ignites. Why is it only SOME days that he cant get to his phone, while others he is intense? Inconsistency is an indicator of inconsistency. And, while I am relieved to hear that you are not "incestuously" (I think you meant incessantly) calling and texting your beau, I am worried about why your afore mentioned gomer hazard alarm is not going off? Move on sister before you know why this one is disappearing and not responding for a day.

You don't want to find a freezer full of heads..........do you?