get a load of this chick!!

Question: (my husband went to the bottom of the barrel for this one. WoW!)

"I am a married woman who had a brief affair with a man 10 years younger than myself. If that's not problem enough, the other man is an inmate in prison. I really believe that he loves me but authorities say he was probably scamming me. I am not able to contact him at this time. What should I do to find out the truth?
To make matters even worse than that, my husband is a great man. I know that I have disrespected him beyond words but I just couldn't help myself. We get along well enough but I'm finding more and more that he just isn't a proper partner for me. I am left to make every decision in the entire house. We have 4 children (3 live with us still- ages range from 17-25) and the older they get the more pressure I feel to be the end-all for everyone. Beside that, my elderly mother also lives with us and depends upon me for every decision she needs to make. The mounting pressures are killing me and if that's not enough I have a full time job, 2 part time jobs and go to school about 8 hours per week.
This is what led me to the other man. He is self-assured, knows what he wants and how to get it, can give me the desires and passion I require in a relationship and with him I can find a true partner in whom I could rely on to help with decisions instead of leaving everything in the world up to me to fix.
Please help, I'm really desperate.


Answer:
The desperation is evident. I do, however, want to address your first question about the truth and your seeming quest to find it. It sounds, to me, like you have been given the truth about this man from the authorities and are unwilling to accept it. It is important to be honest with one's self when searching for answers. You WANT this inmate to be the answer when you should be turning inward and finding your own strength.

No man is going to "fix" your life. It is simply impossible for another to relieve you of problems. You must face life and its difficulties with resolve (and God if you are religious) and nothing else. If it goes badly you chalk it up to a learning experience and get over it. No one's life is "fixed" it is always a journey. This goes double for your kids. You cant fix everything in anyone's world. The sooner you can accept this truth, the sooner your children will see your example and hopefully follow it thus, alleviating the pressure you feel to save them from experiencing life.

I dont really get it, our innate ability to make choices should be empowering to women! Yet some still adhere to antiquated notions of life "happening" to them. Wallowing in self pity and making statements like "I couldn't help myself" are infantile, pathetic, destructive ways of excusing your indiscretion with your criminal friend. I'm sorry but affairs, in my book, are completely unacceptable. Did he hold a gun to your head? Is that why he is incarcerated? There is no situation where not being able to help one's self is a reason to cheat other than coercion by deadly force. YOU chose to cheat. YOU chose the person you did it with. YOU chose to take on your elderly mother. YOU chose to enroll in school. YOU chose your employment. YOU chose to have and raise children. You chose your husband. Not all of your choices were wrong but, they were yours. Don't punish your husband for the situation you find yourself in. That is just sick.

I applaud your obvious work ethic. I wish ethics extended into your relationships. You say that this younger, criminally incarcerated man is "self-assured, knows what he wants and how to get it" and that he can give you "the desires and passion" you need. I want you to listen closely. He isn't and he can't. Clearly his decision making skills have been questionable. He is in PRISON!

My advice to you is, grow up. I know is sounds strange given your responsibilities but, life does not happen to you. You make decisions even if by omission. Take control of your life and stop wishing for calgon to take you away. Life will just wait till you get back and be pissed you tried to escape.