co-conspirators

The question: I don’t believe in teen pregnancy. I work full time in a large department store. We hire many part time teen employees. In the past, when one has become pregnant, I have graciously smiled and offered congratulations quietly. I have also contributed to a group gift. The situation has arrived again. Yet another young, unmarried high school girl (who doesn’t even have a boyfriend) proudly announced yesterday that she is pregnant. I feel like a fraud. How can I handle this by honoring my feelings and still acting like a decent co-worker?

Answer: This is a very loaded question and one I feel is quite pertinent. I also have to state that you are entitled to your opinions on the subject and should not feel otherwise.

I am not sure when it became mandatory to gift every person who drifts in and then back out of the workplace. I love gift giving more than most people but I have to disagree with the "everyone pitches in" attitude. Would you be hurt if she did not give you a gift? I don't think you should feel obligated to shower gifts on someone just because everyone else is. No one else should be applying pressure on you to do so. I have worked in department stores and understand that this is easier said than done. Each store has different policies about the appropriate way to handle gifts in the workplace. Talk to the store manager and have them remind the staff that relationships between associates are private and any gifts or parties should be discussed in private situations. You may want to speak up about the cost of giving gifts in the workplace. A co-worker may feel the same way you do and be glad that someone else spoke up. In these economic times it is hard to buy gifts for our loved ones, let alone co-workers. You could start a revolution.

I don't think you have to openly disapprove of this young lady. Maybe what she needs is a good role model to help her make better life choices. Your gift to her could be a listening ear and sound advice. Let her know how hard the road is that she is traveling down and find her a support group, adoption agency, GED program, college fund or religious group. This way you can voice your feelings and look like a concerned co-worker instead of an "indecent one".

However you choose to handle this situation remember, you have to live with yourself at the end of the day. Listen to your instincts and stick to your guns. You cant live your life worrying that you might hurt someone's feelings. Everyone gets hurt sometimes and has to learn how to get over it. This young lady is no exception.