Lost boy?

The question:
Our new neighbors have a ten-year-old boy who goes to school here in the neighborhood. After school he comes home and within fifteen minutes of being home he is over here at our house hanging around. His parents both work apparently. Our family likes him a lot but he won’t go home. Some nights he stays to six or seven and has supper with us. His parents don’t seem worried about where he is in the evening. They just don’t seem to take responsibility for his daytime hours. Sometimes he brings a book and just sits on our deck and reads. What should I do?

The answer:

Well this is a tough one. There are a lot of facts left out of the question. What is the legal age for being left at home in your state? Does the boy have an alternative place to hang out? Have you had any contact with his parents? How much is having an extra kid around really bothering you?

I think you have a few choices

1- Let him and his parents know you don't approve of his being left alone all day and that you will be forced to contact authorities if it continues.

2- Explain to the parents you really like the boy but would like to have more alone family time. Asking them to encourage him to find more friends or an alternative place to hang out.

3- (and I am inclined to lean toward this one) Just include him as part of the family. He is clearly reaching out to you as a parental figure. How intrusive can he be if he is just reading on the porch. This child could come to view you as his second set of parents as his own seem too busy to be bothered with mundane details such as providing care for their 10 year old child. A loving and secure environment could be just the thing to keep a good child from getting into the kind of trouble that comes with unsupervised and lonely children. It may be inconvenient for you at times and it is a big responsibility that has been unjustly thrust upon you but, I say the rewards of caring for an otherwise uncared for child outweigh the irritations.

Children lost in this world will find a place wherever they can. If not with you then where? It's something to think about.

I know it has been a while. I am starting again.

The Question:
I don’t understand why people need others to take sides in an argument. If someone is upset and wants to cut someone out of his/her life, why does that person expect family and friends to do the same — even if the disagreement had nothing to do with them? Some of them lie to force the issue. I just don’t understand — especially because we’re talking about adults.

Puzzled

Answer:

I have some personal experience with this particular situation. I believe people do this to punish the person they are angry with. It is juvenile and the fact that you don't understand it is a testament to your personal maturity. Lies are not acceptable in relationships and will eat away at the core of them. If someone has been lying to you about another person, let them know it will not be tolerated. Also, if you wish to remain unaffected declare it to be so. It is perfectly within the realm of your rights to be neutral.