crazy driver

Question:
I am a married adult who recently moved here from another area. I have become acquainted with a neighbor--also new to the area--who is a very poor driver. She will drive with a drink between her knees and generally engage in maneuvers that make my hair stand on end. In our family there are three drivers and two cars and because of priorities, I am the one usually without a vehicle. There is no public transportation. Consequently, when I go out with this person, she is the one doing the driving--not that she minds. She enjoys driving! She has also told me how her grandchildren make fun of her driving, so I am not the only one to notice things. I have decided to no longer ride in a car with her and have chosen to limit the relationship to walking around the area for exercise. However, I know she will suggest that we go somewhere by car. I haven't told her of my concern; I wish I could be honest about this but I just don't feel good about it, especially since I can't offer an alternative. I like this woman but wouldn't be shattered if she never spoke to me again. I would like to remain cordial with her, but just not in the car. Any suggestions you could offer me? Is there a nice way I can convey this? Thank you.


Answer:

Really? Really? This seems like a self extinguishing problem, literally. I find it amusing that you would like to "remain cordial" and not mind if " she never spoke to" you again. I suppose it is an indication of your conflicting views on this woman. I suggest you remain exercise buddies with her until the subject comes up, at which point you can just tell her how you feel. Honesty is the best policy. You clearly wont be losing a good friend if you stomp her feelings but you have to put yourself first in instances where safety is concerned. As far as not having an alternative, phooey! You could let her know you would be happy to drive for her when the two of you are together. If she doesn't like it well, she can lump it. How do you have time to worry about how much she wants to drive? If she already knows she is a crappy driver, (via grandchildren mocking) she will most likely just laugh it off when you express similar sentiments. Just tell her that she can extinguish herself while holding a drink (non alcoholic I hope or we have a whole other set of issues) but you would like to leave avoidable dismemberment to the drunkards. Buck up and stand up for yourself, it feels good!!!